A Safe Space
Have you shared what was bothering you with your spouse and it was not validated and or shut down instantly and that was the end of it? Yet, when they are upset about something, they share it with you and you have to listen and validate how they feel. It’s frustrating and leads to keeping things to yourself for fear of being put down and unvalidated. It makes you feel like what bothers you doesn’t matter and there’s no need to bring it up and discuss it.
This dynamic is not what a healthy relationship consist of. Both parties need to make sure that they are creating a safe space for their spouse to be able to go to and talk about any and everything that bothers and upsets them. When two people get married, those two people should become each other’s world. Your spouse is now your best friend that you should be able to share everything with.
When the space is not safe, there is no sharing. It is one sided and it leaves you wondering why you can’t share things with them like they can with you.
As humans, we need to talk things out. We need to share what is inside of us. When there is not a safe space, the spouse who is unable to share will seek out a resource to share with. It may be their parent, their best friend, or even a complete stranger. They just want someone to listen.
How to know if you have a safe space:
- The other spouse listens without or minimal interruption.
- The other spouse validates how you are feeling, even if they don’t agree.
- The other spouse doesn’t shut down and become defensive, they want a resolution and to talk about what can be done to change the situation and the outcome going forward.
- The other spouse shows you respect.
How to know if your space is unsafe:
- The other spouse doesn’t validate or respect what you are feeling, period.
- The other spouse will shut down and become defensive and turn the tables that results in a yelling match.
- The other spouse will interrupt and take over the conversation, the end.
- The other spouse will storm out of the room/house and possibly leave the residence all together.
Do you have a safe space or unsafe space with your spouse?
And for God’s sake…stop having serious conversations over text message!!! If your spouse uses text as a means to have a serious conversation so that it’s not done face to face, put an end to it. Politely say that y’all can discuss the issue at hand in person, face to face and stick to it. Text can be taken a multitude of ways and sometimes not the way it was intended.
Remember, if you’re in a Narcissistic relationship, it’s abuse and you do not have to stay in that bondage…no matter what.
YOU ARE WORTH IT. YOU ARE ENOUGH. YOU WILL SURVIVE.
