My Valentine

Ten years ago, I married someone who I thought would be my forever Valentine. Someone who I thought was the answer to prayers.  Only to quickly find out, that wasn’t the case at all. We made it to our first year anniversary by the hardest and then by year two, is when it really began to get abusive.

I hadn’t understood why people stayed in a Narcissistic type of relationship before then and now I completely understand it because I experienced it on my own.  The financial dependence, the ownership, the control, the unrealistic expectations, the love bombing, the rollercoaster of being wanted and then being rejected, only to have the cycle repeated over and over and over again. I made the decision to no longer continue on the hamster wheel of chaos. I got off. Jumped off. Moved to a different city. Changed job locations. Changed all form of communication. Logged out of all social media and remained off for two years. I had to file bankruptcy in order to get out of the debt that was incurred during our marriage and lost my SUV because of it.

Right after that relationship, I jumped into another which seemed to be all the right things.  Opening me the door, telling me I’m beautiful, reminding me that I’m strong, giving me independence where I needed it, cheered me on with every promotion at work, and ultimately, being cheated on with someone that I considered to be close to.

I’ve chosen forgiveness in all these things because who am I not to? If I didn’t forgive, it would only hurt myself and those around me for years to come.  I didn’t want what I had gone through to be the reason my future relationships wouldn’t work.

I dated and then gave up and surrendered to God and said, “God, I”ll wait for the one that you have for me”.

Today, I’m so very thankful for the small God winks and protection that he provided through both of those toxic relationships.

Today, I am in a healthy marriage.

Today, I am married and have been for the last 3 years.

Today, I am a step mom of 3 boys.

Today, I have a daughter of my own with another one due to arrive in late March.

Today, I am cherished.

Today, I am loved and I don’t have to pretend and wear a fake smile.

Today, I am not controlled and I am not left out.

Today, I am treated in love and respect.

Today, I am safe.

Today, I can have lunch with friends or go shopping with my Mom and Nanny without being interrogated.

Today, I know that without a shadow of a doubt that I have my forever Valentine. The one that God himself sent to cross my path.

Our marriage isn’t perfect. If you think someone’s is, sit and ask them what the struggles are and what advice they may have. A lot can be edited out for social media so please don’t make any couple on social media your example.

God needs to be the only example that you need.

It’s very important to wait until God has sent you the person that He has for you.  If you don’t wait, you may end up going through some hard times. When you wait, He’ll bless you with someone who will be the your person. The one He has been preparing for you and is just waiting for you to turn to Him and trust in his plan.