No Way
I want to start this post with a personal question, Have you ever gone through a divorce? If your answer is “yes”, you’re not alone. So many have had to walk the muddy, messy road of divorce.
As you may know, I’m a Christian and I don’t mean the one that just goes to church on Sundays to make my conscience feel good. I’m not the Christian who goes home and has a glass of wine because “Jesus drank wine” but I won’t give you the truth on that today. Maybe I’ll write a post about that on a different day. I’m not the Christian that doesn’t want to be gracefully broken in order to be a better person and closer to my God. I don’t just pray when I’m in a hard season of life, I pray everyday. I thank God everyday, not just when I need Him to fix something. I do say “Jesus fix it” very often and I’m learning that it’s not always His will to fix it right away and there’s something I’m supposed to learn in that storm.
You may be asking, “Clarissa…where are you going with this?” and I’m getting there. I’ll be honest, I’m probably going to upset some of you and may even cause you to check yourself with God. Still interested? Keep reading then…
How often have we heard, either because it was told to us personally or told to someone else, “God doesn’t like divorce and is against it”? Probably too many times to count.
Let’s really look at it.
The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 7:10-11, “To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.”
So yes, they’re correct, God does not like divorce. However, God is also a God of justice and grace and gave us exceptions for divorce. Let’s look at another verse which gives this exception. Matthew 5:32, “everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality makes her commit adultery.” Did you catch that exception? God gave us permission to divorce on the grounds of our spouse having been unfaithful. It’s that simple. Where does the sexual immorality start? In the heart.
Does it count if he/she has lust in their eyes and looking at someone else and wondering what sex would be like with that person? I believe so. A sexual act has already been committed in the heart. Does phone sex/sexting count? I believe so. The act of being unfaithful has been established with that act alone, even though physical touch hasn’t happened…yet.
There’s beliefs that there are 3 other exceptions:
- Addiction
- Abuse
- Abandonment
Let’s go further with this.
How many leaders in the church have you gone to and opened up about what was happening within your marriage and you were told, “just pray about it”? What about, “pray for them to change but don’t leave because God doesn’t want you to be divorced”? So you listen and you stay. You’re praying. You’re fasting. You’re worshipping in the car and in your house. You’re going to church. You’re in counseling for yourself.
The affairs/one night stands continue. The beatings continue. The verbal abuse continues. You’re left behind more times than not.
I don’t know about the God those leaders serve..but the God I serve…NO WAY DOES HE WANT US IN THAT TYPE OF MARRIAGE!!!
I can type this and say this with the utmost confidence because I’VE BEEN THERE. I was in the verbal abusive marriage. I was in the unfaithful marriage. No matter what I did or changed or how much I prayed…he had a free will, still has a free will, and he chose the other women. He chose the verbal abuse. He chose to leave me at home after I was his wife when he included be in everything before we said, “I do”.
What happens when you stay and pray and your family looses you either to death physically by the hands of the spouse or suicide because you felt that was the only way out?
Not every person who attends a church or even LEADS a church are really Christian. Sad right? The Bible is used so often to benefit “self” and/or to gain control over another. This is why it is SO IMPORTANT that you use discernment in who you allow to speak about ANY THING into your life! It’s SO IMPORTANT in who you go to for guidance. Go to God if you’re in a situation and needing guidance. God will guide you in what to do and how to go about it. Be careful of who is in your circle. Someone within that circle could be a wolf in sheep’s clothing and waiting on an opportunity to use your situation against you.
You may have also been told “you can’t ever get married again because if a man marries a divorced woman then it’s adultery.” The Bible says that in Matthew 5-31, “It has been said, anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce. but I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”
I am remarried now. Do I believe that my husband is committing adultery by being married to me? Nope. Here’s why. I gave my heart back to God in 2019 after running for years and being in and out of relationships since the age of 14 years old. After three failed marriages, two other serious failed relationships…none based on the will of God…I gave it to God and I told Him that I wanted the husband that HE had for me. I gave up trying to search on my own. In August of that same year, Brodie and I’s path crossed at a local church.
When we walk in God’s will, he extends his Grace, Mercy and Forgiveness to us and He sends us the person that He has for us. This is why it’s so important to wait until He sends us our spouse. We suffer when we don’t.
IT IS OKAY TO GET OUT OF A MARRIAGE THAT IS NOT IN LINE WITH GOD’S WILL.
God does not want us to be in a marriage that is not equally yoked with Him. He does not want us to bend after every unfaithful act. He does not want us to bend after every drug ingested. He does not want us to bend after every blow, physically or mentally.
“Christians” have to stop using God’s word to benefit their personal desires and to control others. “Christians” is why people have church hurt and question God.
I’m encouraging those who need someone to be real with them and give them hope that they can walk away from an abusive or unfaithful spouse and God won’t be mad at them. God will actually provide a way to be set free. Sometimes we have to take the first step and He will do the rest.
And friend, if you’re currently in this situation or wanting to get out of a bad marriage, people will talk. Let them. Don’t let them bring you down and feel like you have to defend your decision. God will defend you.
YOU GOT THIS!!!
