God’s Plan

Do you ever mistake God’s plan for your own? You ever feel like you hear his voice and you’re where he wants you but then he starts to stir something up in your spirit and deal with you on something that he’s dealt with you on before and you did not listen?

God, I thought I did this the right way this time. Only, I didn’t do it 100% in compliance to your word. Only, I’m not getting your blessings as I would have been if I would have just listened…and now you’re dealing with me about it. AGAIN.

I’m sure God is up there thinking, “Yea, Clarissa, again because you still haven’t listened to me”. He instructed me years ago to put him first. Once I did, then he would send the man that he had for me. After a relationship ended in 2019, I decided to finally listen and put God first.

I know God called me for so much bigger. I know that I’m supposed to write and tell my story to help others. I know that I’m supposed to minister to people and provide them with God’s hope and love. But I have not set myself on that path to gain what he has called me to do. Right now, I have one foot on the path that he has for me and the other foot is still on the path of fear.

Fear of rejection. Fear of what if this doesn’t work out like I, and every one else, thought it would. Fear of ties being severed.

Before I get into the situation that God is dealing with me about, I have a question. Have you stopped and wondered how you got where you are? You had all these plans and you realize that none of it is taking place as you envisioned. That maybe it’s all on hold because of a decision you made. A decision that didn’t align with what God spoke to you.

I’ve been transparent with you all from day 1 and that’s not going to change. Here’s the deal. God is dealing with me about living with Brodie, unmarried. God is dealing with me and has been for some time now that it was not his plan for us to live together as we are currently. I thought maybe…just maybe this would resolve itself and it would go away. That God would just forgive me and move on the next thing I need to work on. But nope…its not going away. In fact, everyday I feel more and more stirring in my spirit. I don’t have peace and I don’t feel settled.

See, I’ve never not lived with the person I’m in a relationship with. I’m not really sure why. Not wanting to be alone? It being easier than going back and forth and living out of a bag. Possibly.

It’s unpopular to keep yourself pure until you’ve married your spouse. Listen y’all..that has to be HARD. I don’t know what that is like. Yet. I want to. I want to and its because I want what God has for me. I want His very best and how can I receive that if I’m not living the way that His word commands me to do? Besides, I haven’t always  followed a crowd because I sometimes like to push against the crowd in order to be different. Jesus was different.

I expect some words about this post. I’m prepared for the negative. You know why…because God’s got me and he’s not done with me yet.

It’s time that I put my trust in him and stop trying to live my life 1/2 my rules and 1/2 His commands. I know that it won’t be easy but it will be worth it.

Let’s see where trusting him brings me.