The Relationship After

“The most challenging relationship is the healthy one after a toxic one.” -unknown

Just when you think that you’re healed enough to try a new relationship, you see or hear something that triggers that feeling of uneasiness. The feeling that maybe its not at all what you thought it was. That maybe you’ve read things all wrong. That maybe you’ve fooled yourself into believing that this could be something. You begin to fight with the negative thoughts. The thoughts that you aren’t good enough for that person. The thoughts that you may never have a normal relationship. The thoughts that cause you to become anxious and ultimately overreact over something very simple. The thoughts that cause you to shut down and sometimes walk away without ever knowing the truth behind the object or words.

The healthy relationship after a toxic one will present some challenges to you. You will overthink the words “I love you” until it is proven to be true. You will overthink when you receive a text that states, “I’m working late” and you will come to terms that he or she really is working late and not cheating and lying. You will process what would be small things to people who have never been abused, as huge things. Sometimes spoken words can trigger your thought process to battle itself on what it really means. People who have been in Narcissistic Relationships have to retrain their thought process and it can take years to fully return to normal and healthy thoughts.

The struggle is that we tend to believe that we don’t deserve the best. We think that we have to settle for someone just as damaged as us in order have something to relate to. These are lies!!! We DO NOT have to settle for less that what we deserve and we deserve THE BEST that God has for us. We deserve someone who will never give up and  stand with us through the healing process. We deserve someone who will encourage and push us to be the best version of ourselves. Someone who will be our biggest cheerleader and very proud to call us theirs. I don’t know about you ladies, but I want someone to say, “That’s my girl” and mean it. Maybe our person isn’t someone who lived a troubled free life. Our person may have their own story of hardships. It may not match our’s and that’s okay. It’s what allows each of us to support the other in ways that is needed. We deserve someone who is patient with us during our anxious moments. Someone who can truly love us unconditionally and without judgement of any kind. Someone who can not only be our lover but our best friend. Someone who is going to love us just as fiercely as we do.

We can have healthy relationships following a toxic one. We have to remember that it is normal for someone to communicate with you. It is normal for someone to want to have you in their arms with no other motive than to make you feel safe. It is normal for someone to ask how your day was because they are genuially interested in if you had a good day or not. It is normal for someone who cares for you to want to spend time with you in public and in private. It is normal for someone to want to be involved in your life and you in theirs. It is normal to be able to fall asleep without being anxious the next morning because you fell asleep before them. It is normal to feel stable emotionally and not have the daily rollercoaster of the ups and downs. It is normal to be able to spend time with your friends without them. Ladies, ITS OKAY TO HAVE A GIRL’S DAY!!!!! Gentleman, ITS OKAY TO HAVE A GUY’S NIGHT!!!! This is not just for the ladies, this is also for the gents. Narcissism isn’t gender specific.

During our times of anxiousness we have to pray and seek God to reveal the truth in that moment. We also have to remember that the new person is not the old person. We have to be careful not to punish them for something that someone else did to us. It is not their fault and they are not responsible.

YOU ARE ENOUGH. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. YOU ARE WORTH IT.