What is Love?

Google defines love as an intense feeling of deep affection. Do you see lies, cheating, abuse and controlling as the definition? No, you don’t because that is not love.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 says, “Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast. It is not proud, rude or self-seeking. It is not easily angered and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.”

Let’s take a moment to break this down:

1. “Love is Patient.” Patient is defined as, able to accept or tolerate delays, problems, or suffering without becoming annoyed or anxious. It does not give you ultimatums. It does not force you to become someone you are not.
2. “Love is Kind.” Kind is defined as, having or showing a friendly, generous, and considerate nature. It is not selfish. It is not verbally abusive.
3. “It does not envy, it does not boast. It is not proud, it is not rude. It is not self-seeking.” It is not jealous. It is not selfish. It is not rude. Hey, we all have bad days and can become a little snappy at times or come across a little more harsh than we meant to. For those times, you apologize. Is the rudeness a constant thing toward you? If it is, that is not love.
4. “It is not easily angered.” How often are you walking on egg shells because you are afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing that would ignite an argument? Are you willing to go to any means necessary just to keep the peace. This is not normal. This is not love. You should be able to be completely open to share all of your dreams, thoughts and fears without hesitation.
5. “Love does not keep a record of wrongs.” This is where it gets interesting for me. During my relationship with my ex, I would tell myself that I’m supposed to forgive him. I’m supposed to show him unconditional love. I’m not supposed to give up on him like everyone else seemed to have done. How many times can a person say that they are sorry for the same wrong doings against you? At what point do you say, “okay, you are not sorry because it is being repeated. This is now a cycle and I refuse to live my life like this”? This is not a hall pass for wrong doings. It is not a green light to excuse abuse, adultery, or lies! I believe the true meaning is that when we have a bad day and we are a little snappy with the person we love and they apologize, we forgive and move forward. We don’t bring it up and say, “remember when you were having a bad day and were snappy? Well, I’m still mad about that even though you apologized.” That means, you didn’t truly forgive them.

Someone who loves you will not lie, cheat, manipulate, or abuse you. They will cherish you. They will accept you for exactly who you are. They will support your dreams and desires. They are truthful, even when it’s tough.

Is your relationship built on love or is it a cycle of lies, abuse, and cheating? If it’s the latter part, what are you going to do about it?