Parents

Are you in the same situation that I was once in? Is your family concerned for your safety? I didn’t know the extent to which my parents struggled to watch me during my dark time. They had to watch my weight drop extremely fast. Going from 172 lbs to 126 lbs in a matter of a couple of months. They had to watch as my hair fell out by the hand fulls. I would cry when asked, “Are you okay?” I would cry when they would reach out and give me a hug and not saying anything at all.

My parents held me many of nights while I fell apart. I remember one night in particular when the ex was at my house and was so upset about something, I can’t remember why at this time, and my parents ended up walking into my house and asking him to leave because things were escalating fairly quickly. They could hear him yelling at me from the inside of their home. He did leave and I fell apart on the steps for all of the world to see. My neighbors probably thought that someone had died by the way I was screaming and crying uncontrollably as my Mom held me. I just couldn’t understand why he was treating me as if I meant nothing to him when I loved him the most. I kept asking why I wasn’t good enough for him. Looking back, I was too good for him.

My Mom writes notes for our birthdays and I want to share with you what she wrote for my 29th Birthday. This was the first birthday following my freedom.

“January 2016

Happy Birthday Clarissa!

The words to this card really are true! You hold a very special place in Daddy and I’s hearts and you have from the moment we first laid eyes on you! The fact that you are now an adult does not change the fact that you have always and you will always have a special place in our hearts! As you yourself have put it, you will forever be Daddy’s little girl! You will always be my girl too!

And that is exactly what made this past year so difficult for us all—for you, for Daddy and I, for our family, for our close friends! You were in a place you’ve never been before—a very, very dark place! We were in a place we’ve never been before! I cried more tears out of my deep concern for your wellbeing than I’ve cried in a long time—I had more sleepless, restless nights—I fasted, prayed, interceded, warred on your behalf like never before! Many other prayer warriors joined with me in praying for you, as well! We all fought spiritually for you! And do you know why? Because you are worth fighting for! Satan would have loved for us all to give up, but we absolutely refused! After all, too much was at stake!

It was by no means an easy journey—it was very tough! My heart was so heavy for you! I would wake up in the morning with you heavy on my heart and on my mind! You were heavy on my heart and on my mind all day long! I went to bed with you heavy on my heart and with you on my mind! At times, it was very difficult for me to even function in day to day activities, due to the heavy burden I carried for you! You lived right in our backyard—yet, you seemed so very far away! It was so very painful for me to watch the beautiful daughter I knew and loved so much, transform before my eyes into someone I hardly recognized and felt that I really didn’t know at all anymore! What I saw was my beautiful daughter literally dying before my eyes in every possible way— spiritually, physically, emotionally and mentally! And as I watched this happening to you, it affected me in a very dramatic way! It affected me spiritually, physically, emotionally and mentally, as well! I was comforted only by the fact that I knew—without a doubt—that God’s Hand was upon you and that somehow He was going to bring you through! In fact, I knew that only He could take you safely through your ordeal! I longed to rescue you—I tried my best to encourage you, but in the end, the fact was that you were no longer a child that I could rescue—you were now an adult! I had to trust God to keep you safe! And trust me when I say that my faith that He would do so, was really put to the test! I have no doubt that without God’s Hand upon your life—without prayer warriors praying for you, interceding and warring on your behalf, I would no doubt be visiting a gravesite—maybe even a prison—instead of being able to share my heart with you on this your 29th birthday!

Finally, after nearly nine months, the breakthrough we had all prayed for came! I know that from where you were at the time, you didn’t understand the strong position Daddy and I had taken. It wasn’t something we wanted to do, but it was something we felt absolutely compelled to do! We knew there was a real possibility that you would move away and that we might not see you again. I was confident that as long as you were on our property you would be safe. But, I felt that if you moved away from here with him, it would not be good for you! I just could not bear to think what might happen to you if you did! I intensified my prayers for you even more over that situation!

I will always be grateful to God for delivering you—for rescuing you—for protecting you! I will also always be grateful to God that our relationship has been restored—grateful that your relationship with Daddy has been restored—with Josh and Heather—with PaPop and MaMom—with Nannie—with Tessa— with little Gracie and Parker—with your friends! Christmas this year was a very special time for our family! We were each able to enjoy you being a part of our family again! I saw life inside of you again and it brought such joy to my heart!

I will also always be grateful to Brad for the role he played in your being rescued! I really believe God chose him to be the vessel to help rescue you from your ordeal! It’s not that we didn’t try, but you were able to receive from him what you had not been able to receive from us! Brad is a good man! Daddy and I would love to see the two of you have a successful relationship, but please remember, the Lord wants to be first in your life! It’s not that He wants to withhold anything from you. Quite the contrary! If you will seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness all these things will be added to you as well!

There is no doubt in my mind that God is also calling Brad to Himself! From what I have picked up from talking to the two of you, it may just be that God used each of you to rescue the other. And as we are at the start of a new year, I would like to encourage the two of you to consider giving your hearts and lives to Him and let Him show you what He has for the two of you!

I really believe that God wants to use you to bring hope to other women and rescue them from their environment too! I don’t know if you remember this, but I remember you coming up to me at the altar one Sunday for prayer and I remember saying words to you to the effect that you will far exceed me, because you have been in a place I have never been. You looked at me in disbelief when I told you that, but can I tell you that I really believe it—that it was a prophetic word! And can I tell you something else? I see myself in you when I was your age—our lives parallel more than you may realize!

Please don’t let what you’ve been through be wasted! I, too, learned so much this past year and I’m not allowing it to be wasted either! My faith in God has gotten so much stronger, as I have witnessed His power on your behalf! Don’t regret your past! Purpose in your heart to allow God to heal you and make you whole and use your past to help someone else’s future! You will have a special anointing in this area, because you have been through it!

I want you to know and never ever forget that no matter where you are—no matter where I am—not one day goes by that I don’t think about you—that you’re not in my heart and on my mind! You are always in my heart—you are always on my mind and you are always in my prayers!

Daddy and I love spending time with you—with Brad—and as long as the two of you want to spend time with us, it will be our honor! We will treasure those times—and not take them for granted!

Enjoy your birthday today—CELEBRATE! You have so much to celebrate this birthday! I know I am praising God and celebrating too! Hallelujah!!!

Love you, Mom”