Cycles

At the beginning of your relationship did you think, “wow, this is an awesome person. I can see myself with him or her for the rest of my life.”? Did you share that feeling with your family and friends? I did.

Here’s the thing. With a Narcissist, the beginning of relationships are always the best. It is only in the beginning that they are on their best behavior, besides when they are in front of people. It is only in the beginning that they’ll bring out their best tricks to impress you. Why? Because they have to put on the show in order for you to fall in love with who they could be and not who they are because who they are, is not someone you would truly choose to be with. What makes you fall in love with them? The words that they say and the actions that they do. Words like, “I’ve never met anyone else like you”, “you’re my soulmate”, “I can make you so happy, let me take care of you” and the best one “I love you and I’ve never loved anyone like I love you”. The actions that they do include, sending you flowers just because, purchasing your favorite wines or beer for when you get home after work, cook dinner and may even include candle light, and make you their every focus. All these things take place at a rapid pace. Usually it all happens within the first couple of weeks and does not last.

Narcissists create a chaotic rollercoaster in your life, also known as, Cycles. One day or maybe even a week at a time, you two are inseparable. Things seem to be looking up and he or she seems to truly care again. You even have the thought that he or she finally sees the value in you and the relationship that y’all have. You think, finally. Finally, I can breathe without walking on eggshells. Finally, I can go back to normal and not be chained to these four walls. Finally, I can see my family. Finally, I can talk to my friends.

Then out of nowhere, your “finally” vanishes and here you are yet again, broken. Here you are again, walking on eggshells and being so very careful not to say or do the wrong thing for fear of the repercussions. Here you are again, not speaking to family for fear of what your significant other may say. Here you are again, not answering text or phone calls from your friends because its easier to ignore them than it is to tell them your problem…again. Here you are again, all alone with just the feeling of rejection and not understanding why it is you who is dealing with this from someone that you love. From someone who is your whole world and you would move mountains for. Here you are again hearing things like, “you’re crazy”, “you didn’t see that”, “what is wrong with you”, “you’re so insecure”, “my ex cheated on me”, “your family hates me” and “your friends hate me”.

Then its back to how it used to be…again and you think, maybe you are crazy. Maybe just maybe you did over react and take that wrong. Maybe just maybe, your family does not like him or her. Maybe your friends don’t like him or her either. Just maybe, he or she is right about everything. After all, he or she seems to be back to normal.

Then back to the abuse and the name calling and the isolation.

Do you understand that this is a cycle? The cycle is not going to break. Its never going to get back to where it was in the very beginning because he or she is NOT that person. Period. Stop holding out hope that they are or will be.

They won’t. EVER!

So start your escape plan now because its the only way you’ll survive it. Remember, don’t document it anywhere except your mind and only share it with someone you truly trust.

If not, you’ll contemplate suicide or murder to escape it.

YOU ARE ENOUGH. YOU ARE WORTH IT. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.