Depression

According to the dictionary, Depression is defined as a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. There are more than one reasons to experience this. One of those reasons can be a result of sexual, physical, mental or verbal abuse. For me it was being in a relationship with a Narcissist and Sociopath and the verbal and mental abuse that comes with it.

The following are some of the symptoms (taken from Healthline.com) that you may experience during times of depression:

• sadness
• tiredness
• trouble focusing or concentrating
• unhappiness
• anger
• irritability
• frustration
• loss of interest in pleasurable or fun activities
• sleep issues (too much or too little)
• no energy
• craving unhealthy foods
• anxiety
• isolation
• restlessness
• worrying
• trouble thinking clearly or making decisions
• poor performance at work or school
• dropping out of activities
• guilt
• suicidal thoughts or tendencies
• pain, like headaches or muscle aches
• drug or alcohol abuse

Are you currently dealing with any of those symptoms? This is a serious illness and should not to be taken lightly as it can lead to the worst of the worst, suicide.

I can relate to this illness as I’ve dealt with depression during the darkest time of my life. I didn’t sleep and still have issues with sleeping. I had severe anxiety and still deal with at times and now manage with daily medication and going to God in the moments of anxiousness. I allowed myself to be isolated and didn’t want to leave the house or do anything with anyone. I lived in my parent’s backyard and didn’t see or talk to them for days at a time. I rarely ate food and instead would drink protein shakes just to put some kind of nutrients in my body. I would cry for everything and no reason at all. No one could reach me to help pull me out of the hole that I was in, no matter how much they tried. I had, and still have, issues with making decisions for fear of it being the wrong one.

In March of 2015, I got a call to set up a time to go in for an interview for a job. It was the first time I had gotten out of the house in almost three weeks. God knew what he was doing because I got the job and those people became my support team in so many ways. We cried together and laughed together. They knew when I had a bad night when I walked in and would always ask me what happened. I would share the latest and cry as they encouraged me. One of the nurses colored a princess and put it on my desk and wrote on it that I deserve to be treated as such. I still have that picture and I will be forever grateful for this group of women!!!

During this time, I was still very much depressed and I would continue to push myself to go into work. This was also a time that I turned to Adderall to help me cope with everything and stay awake during the day. At night, I would take Xanax to relax and sleep. This is the first time I admit this publicly. Today, I no longer take Adderall or Xanax or anything else, except my prescription for anxiety. I have come a long way and will continue to overcome what is lingering. As I know that you too will overcome your depression.

What are some of your coping tactics? Drugs and alcohol? Cutting just to feel something because you’re numb otherwise? Do me a favor, reach out to a counselor or psychiatrist and start your healing journey. Talking to someone really does help guide us to a better place. You do not have to stay in this place. Keep pushing and don’t give up!

YOU ARE WORTH IT. YOU WILL SURVIVE. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. YOU ARE ENOUGH.